Relationships 3.0

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In the past, relationships began as unions to join countries, bringing together two individuals for no other purpose than to form alliances.  

Eventually, we evolved to picking our own partner, which was mostly driven by physical desires. Unresolved emotions interfered with these relationships, as physical desire alone was not able to maintain healthy relationships. 

Relationships 3.0, is a Co-creative partnerships and are based on emotional and physical energy joined between people who are elevated above and beyond their emotional pains (emotional intelligence) and are now ready to express joy and creativity together as a team! 

While working together toward the common goals, each retains their individual unique traits, abilities and goals that are supported by our partner. 

"Good pre-marriage counseling will keep a bad marriage from happening." Dave Ramsey

It’s possible to evaluate your relationship to recognize areas for improvement, as well as recognize areas of strength! Contact me today to learn more!  

 The *Relationship Checkup is comprised of 5 sections, each partner answers their own set of questions.

Couples Counseling

Infidelity refers to a fracture within a committed partnership, a partnership  based on trust and mutuality. Any relationship outside of the committed partnership can be considered infidelity....any investment of time, money, energy, etc. that is taken away from the committed partnership.  

Beyond the damage to the committed partnership, Infidelity may also involve implications of cultural, religious and legal aspects. Sexual  infidelity is rarely about sex! Typically, what is sought after is something missing in their own life - a sense of self-worth, relational issues, self-identity, self-care, and an understanding of moderation. 

• Financial Infidelity

Secret money: incurring debt that partner or significant other is unaware of, and yet responsible for. Hiding funds from your partner or significant other.
 

• Emotional Infidelity

Personal Information: sharing intimate details with someone outside of a  committed relationship, in the attempt to gain outside support.
Online: typically an additional element of intimate information and/or visual stimulation involved.

• Pornography: 

1. addictive
2. escalates requiring more time away from partner or significant other 
3. desensitization in seeing people as object rather than individual
4. acting out sexually to replay the visual stimulus. (Dr. Victor Cline's four progressive steps to porn addiction).
    

• Physical Sexual Infidelity

Affairs: an infidelity that denotes an affectionate relationship that may or may not include a sexual relationship.

Sexual Liaisons: an interpersonal interaction entered into expressly for the purpose of sexual satisfaction; it can be for the satisfaction of  one or both parties.

Sexual infidelity is rarely about sex! Typically, what is sought is  something missing in one's own life - a sense of self-worth, relational issues, self-identity, self-care, and an understanding of moderation. 

Discernment Counseling 

Discernment Counseling is an effective approach when one or both partners in a  relationship are contemplating ending their relationship or marriage, but are not completely confident it is the right decision.  

1. You want to take one last look at the marriage before making a decision to divorce.
2. You’ve lost emotional or physical connection to your partner that you want to try to regain .
3. One partner is “leaning out” (considering divorce) and the other partner is “leaning in” (wants to work on the marriage).
4. Both partners are unsure if they want to stay together.
5. You want further clarity and confidence about what steps to take next in your marriage.
6. Couples want to understand if their marriage or relationship can be saved (repairable).
7. You  want help making an informed decision about whether or not to move  toward divorce and if so, to begin talking about what the divorce path looks like.
8. An  affair has been uncovered and the couple or one partner is unsure if  they want to try to repair their marriage versus dissolve their relationship.

History of Discernment Counseling 

Discernment  counseling was developed by Bill Doherty, as part of his work at the  University of Minnesota. While it is common for couples to go to therapy  with one partner leaning toward breakup or divorce and the other hoping  to stay together, there have been few techniques specifically designed  for such couples. Discernment counseling was developed specifically to  help people in these types of relationships, who are often referred to as “mixed agenda” couples.  

Theory of Discernment Counseling

While  not considered a treatment, discernment counseling can be seen as an  assessment process that helps partners determine the next steps in their  relationship. In discernment counseling, couples consider three possible options: ending the relationship, establishing a 6-month period in which both partners commit to making the maximum effort to save the relationship (often while participating in couples therapy), or postponing the decision. 

There are four core questions that are asked of couples during the initial session: 

• What happened in the relationship that caused the partners to consider ending it?
• What has been done to try to fix the relationship?
• How do children factor into the decision to end the relationship?
• What were the best times each partner experienced in the relationship?

The coach meets individually with each partner to discuss their  feelings and agenda. Afterward, the couple meets jointly with the  therapist again for the conclusion of the session, and the  therapist/coach summarizes and arranges another session if both partners  want one. 

Discernment counseling differs from other types of couples counseling in a few  important ways. First, the goal of this type of counseling is not to  solve relationship issues or concerns but to determine whether any  problems are able to solved. To help couples make a decision, a discernment counselor/coach may spend more time individually with each partner rather than meeting with both at once, as is typical in couples  therapy. 

An additional difference between discernment counseling and other types of  couples counseling is that discernment counseling is often brief: it typically lasts from one and five sessions. 

"The difference between a codependent relationship and a healthy one is the  same as the difference between compromise and giving up on yourself. 

In a healthy relationship, you are able to find a resolution to your differences that works for both of you. And this is without one person consistently giving up on their needs or desires." Read full article by Cosmo Luce. 

"A codependent person is an individual who develops patterns within their  relationships where the codependent individual has a one-sided  relationship with another person. In these relationships, the  codependent individual ignores personal needs and suppresses emotions in favor of the other person in the relationship."